I’ve been a therapist specialising in helping men and their families for fifty years now. I see more women who hunger for a man who cares about them, wants to please them, and knows what they want. Many of them feel frustrated. “Where are all the good men?” they ask me. “Why can’t my husband….” Then there’s a whole list of what they wish he would do or be. The women who I talk to say they want more engagement and emotional intimacy. Instead, they get men who are tentative, unsure of themselves, and trying hard to please, but always getting it wrong. Men say they want to be appreciated, honored, and respected, but they feel judged and criticised.

Here are 3 tiny things a man must do to truly make his partner happy:

1. Live truly

Living truly means that you have to become your authentic self. That means you have to tune into yourself and ask, “How am I feeling?” To do that you have to break out of the Man Box, those beliefs and rules you grew up with that told you, not to express emotions, never to show weakness, and to be strong. Living truly is the first thing we must do to please a woman, ourselves, and have a better relationship.

2. Love deeply

It’s difficult to love someone else when you feel bad about yourself. And it’s hard to love yourself when you’re trying so hard to please someone else instead of pleasing yourself. I used to try and make Carlin happy by fixing things. Whenever she’d express unhappiness, I wanted to find a quick fix. Loving deeply starts with loving ourselves and then listening deeply to another’s pain without trying to fix her or solve the problem. Loving deeply is the second thing you must do if you want to learn how to be a better husband or boyfriend.

3. Make a difference

There’s a lot that is going wrong in our world. Many people feel overwhelmed and powerless to make things better. But each of us must find a piece of the problem and commit our lives to fixing it. When my son, Jemal, was born in 1969, I made a vow that I would be actively involved in his life and do everything I could to make a difference in the world of men. We all need to find, and step up to, our calling in life. Making a positive difference in the world is the third thing we must do to please a woman and ourselves.

When I began to practice these three things, I found that I was less angry and depressed. I felt more like the man I’ve always wanted to be, and my wife saw me in a much better light. These three pieces of relationship advice can help you learn how to be a good husband or boyfriend not just for your partner, but for yourself too.