Have you ever met someone for the first time, and the chemistry was so strong you could cut it with a knife? A few laughs, great food, and several drinks later you…wake up together! What are some of the questions that were floating through your mind?
“What is he thinking?”
“Will he call me tomorrow?”
“I really like him, but now what?”
Let’s face it sistas – there has always been a double standard when it comes to sex “too soon” when viewed from a man as opposed to a woman (even though both parties are present at the time and both made the decision to literally “jump in” full speed ahead!) Don’t take our word for it, though. We’ve interviewed six single Black men of all ages and walks of life (yes, even a minister!) anonymously and here’s how they really feel.
Would you have sex with a woman on the first date: Simple answer would be yes. I have come to learn that there is more to it now. It starts with the vibe between her and I. I do believe there is a form of Love at First Sight…after all, I never read that Adam and Eve dated. You can meet someone and the attraction is so powerful and real, you both are comfortable going there. Or, you both just agree that it is something you want to do and are comfortable with it. I have witnessed two people meet and immediately know they were meant for each other. The old fashioned romantic in me longs for a connection like that. Lastly, at my age, I am looking for more than a one night stand or casual sex.
Would you consider a serious relationship with her and eventually marriage?: I see no reason that a serious relationship and/or marriage couldn’t come from it, even though we slept together on the first night. You reach a point in your life where you should know certain things. For me, I don’t see myself “dating” someone for years at this stage of my life. You know what you know, and again, if there is a bond and a desire to spend time together, then what is the timeline of when you slept together going to really matter? The rules have changed a bit in the dating climate today. Yet attraction, honesty, and openness will lead you to the right situation. The problem many have, in my opinion, is they get too caught up either in their past or what the “perceived” rules are. If you want something different, then you can’t expect it to come in the same way you have always known.
Bachelor #2: IT Professional, 30
Would you have sex with a woman on the first night?: Yes, depending on how we meet and circumstances leading up to the event. If she is someone I randomly meet I would possibly take things slower, rather than someone I meet on a random dating site or under the influence at a club/bar. First thing on my mind is if this woman is trustworthy and clean to be dealing with randomly. Afterward, I would question is this something this woman does regularly or is this a random spur of the moment type of deal.
Would you consider a serious relationship with her and eventually marriage?: Depending on personal connections through text /phone conversations, and the actual assurance that she doesn’t have one night stands regularly, there is a slim possibility that I would continue to see her regularly. A relationship is possible but highly unlikely. Marriage is definitely out of the question.
Bachelor #3: Consultant, 45
Would you have sex with a woman on the first night?: Yes, but context matters. Where we met, how we met, conversation, etc. It all matters! I will admit that I am less interested in sex the first night as I get a bit older. That said, I don’t believe in rigid time rules. Keep in mind there are more women now who want to sleep together on the first night and I often turn it down.
Would you consider a serious relationship with her and eventually marriage?:Yes! I dated a girl for years that I slept with on the first night.
Bachelor #4: Plant Manager, 44
Would you have sex with a woman on the first night?: Yes. If I meet her on the first date and she’s too anxious and leads with sex, she’s just a booty call forever. However, if we’re vibing for the whole day and have that real serious chemistry, that’s a different story and I want to see if everything is matching what I’m feeling. I’m wondering if this connection is real.
Would you consider a serious relationship with her and eventually marriage?: Yes, depending on the initial vibe and how she set the stage. If she just says she was only attracted to me physically, I’ll assume she does this often. If she doesn’t want to be perceived that way, I would suggest that she be open afterward and communicate why she did it. For example, “I was really enjoying my time with you and our connection was so strong so I went with my feelings.”
Bachelor #5: Profession Minister, Life Coach, Motivational Speaker, 44
Would you have sex with a woman on the first night?: No. At my age sex is more than physical, it’s spiritual and emotional as well. So I would only cultivate that kind of connection with my wife.
Would you consider a serious relationship with her and eventually marriage?:: If I slept with someone on the first date, it’s very possible, depending on her character.
Bachelor #6: Senior Engineer, 47
Would you have sex with a woman on the first night?: Yes, if there is a definite connection that cannot be mistaken. I’d be really excited about the connection that we’d made that got us to that point. And thereafter, I wouldn’t have a problem with how soon we hooked up. I would think that we must have really been in-tune with one another for that to have happened.
Would you consider a serious relationship with her and eventually marriage?: Sure. I would not automatically characterise her as a “THOT” or anything else. I would like to think that I was special, and that our chemistry is why we were able to move so fast so quickly. But of course, I would need confirmation from her. There would need to be a discussion afterward.
Well there you have it ladies – right out of the horse’s mouth.
Just know, you can make the best out of a first-date hookup situation by communicating and being yourself. We’ve seen long term relationships work out and we’ve seen them go south quickly. The reality is this: at the end of the day, you have to own up to whatever decision you make and decide how you want your story to end.